Be Kind to Yourself First: How Compassion Creates Change

During the bitter cold of a Toronto winter, I swapped outdoor runs for indoor group workouts. One late February afternoon, I found myself at a new class, trying it out with a close friend. The studio—tucked away in the heart of downtown—was dimly lit, the music was pounding, and the trainer barked instructions into his headset with an intensity that felt more like a drill sergeant than a coach.

As he rushed through a five-exercise floor routine, I struggled to keep up. The sequence blurred in my mind, and when it was time to repeat the set, I hesitated, glancing around for cues from others. My movements felt clumsy, out of sync. I wasn’t just getting the exercises wrong, I was feeling wrong. 

I felt like I didn’t belong in that space.

Hours later, I found myself unpacking the experience, pinpointing exactly what I had disliked: the aggressive coaching, the overwhelming sensory environment, the lack of guidance to help me truly grasp the movements. And yet, most others in the class had seemed perfectly fine. “Why was this so hard for me?” I wondered.

As I reflected on the workouts I had actually enjoyed over the past few months, a realization clicked into place: I learn best in settings that feel supportive, not intimidating. I thrive when I feel encouraged, not pressured. And in recognizing what didn’t work for me, I found something more important—an opportunity for self-compassion. I made a quiet promise to myself: from now on, I’ll choose spaces that align with how I learn, grow, and feel most at ease.

That moment of self-compassion felt like a giant hug I could melt in: a hug to me, from me. The support I had shown myself by honoring the environments I thrive in, felt like a form of superpower: one I could use for myself and others. 

Self-compassion essentially means being kind to yourself when you're feeling hurt or struggling. It involves treating yourself with the same understanding and care that you would offer a friend.

Compassion towards others doesn’t always come easy

Picture yourself getting your weekly groceries, your cart filled to the brim with essentials, meats, lots of veggies and some snacks. You’re steadily wheeling towards the nearest check-out counter, already thinking about the next task on your long to-do list, when someone suddenly and unapologetically cuts right in front of you. In that moment, you’ll almost certainly have an emotional reaction. 

As Dr. Patrick C. Friman, an internationally recognized behaviour analyst advises in his TEDx Talk, have that reaction. But hold back from acting on it. Instead, take a few deep breaths and ask yourself: What could be going on in this person’s life to make them act like this and come up with one possible set of circumstances to explain that behaviour. In that moment, you would have created compassion.

Dr. Friman advises taking a circumstantial view of problematic behaviour and reflecting on the circumstances that may have led to the behaviour. “There are no bad boys,” he notes, adding: rather bad circumstances that cause the behavior.

In reflecting on this, we tend to feel more compassionate towards the behaviour.

Establishing trust and emotional well-being

Compassion is closely connected to helping and comforting others, a concept widely explored in developmental psychology.

A compassionate approach creates a safe and trusting relationship by demonstrating empathy, understanding, and respect. When individuals feel safe, heard, and valued, they are more engaged and receptive to learning. This trust also extends to caregivers, ensuring they feel supported in their journey.

Recognising emotional well-being is essential for fostering a positive environment. A compassionate approach reduces anxiety, stress, and frustration, creating a space where learning and growth can thrive.

Compassion is an important part of parenting

Research shows parents who practice self-compassion—meaning they treat themselves with kindness instead of self-criticism—tend to be more patient, understanding, and emotionally available for their children. This, in turn, helps create a supportive and nurturing environment for kids.

For children, growing up with self-compassionate parents can lead to healthier emotional development. It helps them learn to manage stress, build resilience, and develop positive self-worth. Instead of feeling pressured to be perfect, children raised in a compassionate environment are more likely to feel safe making mistakes and learning from them.

Compassion extends to you and your family

Receiving an autism diagnosis can be overwhelming for families, and navigating any kind of therapy can be equally daunting. At EmpowerBx, we understand these challenges and actively support caregivers by offering guidance, reassurance, and clear communication. 

Encouraging caregivers to celebrate small victories helps shift the focus from deficits to strengths, reinforcing a positive and hopeful outlook.

Compassionate care acknowledges the emotional well-being of both individuals and their families. At EmpowerBx, we lead with compassion and are attentive to the emotional state of our clients, ensuring interventions are implemented in a supportive and empathetic manner. 

We are committed to making compassion an integral part of our practice. By embedding empathy, respect, and individualized care into every aspect of our work, we empower neurodivergent individuals and their support systems to thrive.

Read more about our areas of care here.